Wished I hadn't done it

I've got a fever, it's not the fever you're thinking of...It's baby fever. Seeing all these blog mom's with their newborns, plus several people I know are prego, and not to mention my youngest will be turning 2 in 2 months, I'm having baby fever. Only it would take a miracle this time. I made the horrible decision to get my tubes tied...What was I thinking. I have regretted it ever since my little one was only months old. O.K. so some of you may be thinking, uh...four is plenty, which to be honest we struggle as it is. Let's face it, their not cheap;) I know I get stressed out at times and need a break, but that doesn't mean I don't love what I have. Maybe it's just b/c my oldest will be turning a teenager this year, and I'm having a hard time coping with that. All I know is, I hate what I did to my body and I hate having that scar that reminds me of that every day. I pray that if it was in God's original plan for me to have more, that he'll just heal my body and continue with the plans he had for me. I don't think we should take matters into our own hand, and I'll live with that regret for the rest of my life. Well there it is, I just poured my heart out. I think it helps at times to express your feelings. Even if it is on a blog page.